please, please, please, make Pepsi-Cola Throwback your main product.

Seriously.  I don’t know why you ever stopped using real sugar*.

* actually i do, but whatever.

I can’t help but feel that calling anything related to pirates a “criminal complaint” is an understatement.

***

In other news, I am told that Ron Paul, that font of eternal hilarity and stupidity, has suggested we distribute letters of Marque to combat the growing threat of piracy.

This writer supports this suggestion, providing he also receives an AEGIS cruiser with which to hunt pirates (yeah yeah, i know AEGIS is probably not an effective anti-piracy measure, but I’ve ALWAYS wanted an AEGIS cruiser…).